Temari's Journal
by literallyoverit
Summary: After the Infinite Tsukuyomi was released, Temari finds herself writing more heavily in her childhood journal. In the midst of her trying to unravel the truth behind her feelings towards what her dream meant, the journal goes eventually missing! Read this to find out what happened before, during, and after the journal went missing. This is a ShikaTema fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Post War. Post Infinite Tsukuyomi. Part 1 of … ? This isn't your run of the mill ShikaTema story! Give it a chance. Comments and constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except for my imagination.

**xxx**

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><p><em>Journal Entry #91<em> _What can I say that hasn't been echoed before? He's lazy. He's banal. He's not even that good looking, TO BE HONEST. That pineapple hair style and sassy strut; who does he think he is with the way he mindlessly gazes up at the clouds when he loses interest in the conversation or when he yawns before you get to the best part; what he does (or doesn't do for that matter) does not cease to piss me THE FUCK OFF. That smirk he gives when he knows he's got you cornered in a game of shogi, that softness in his eyes when he knows you're too tongue tied to counter _

I let out an exasperated sigh, then continued,

_… __the very thought of him drives me up the wall. That stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID lanky man —_

"Temari? Are you ready? The meeting is about to begin," a deep voice called from the other side of my bedroom door. It was none other than Kankuro. I let go of my pencil, held the bridge of my nose with my index finger and thumb and tightened my eyes shut. The pencil rolled from the desk I sat in front of, to the floor._ Guess that's all the writing I can do for now_, I thought bitterly. I was not in the mood for anything, not even my baby brother's debriefing with the Konoha ninjas.

Scratch that. I was _especially_ not in the mood to deal with anything concerning the Konoha ninjas.

"Go. Away." I ordered hastily before opening my eyes and turning to a fresh page in my journal. To think I had over 13 pages dedicated to my ongoing battle with my feelings for this lazy ham. How embarrassing. That Infinite Tsukuyomi really fucked me up. Since we were awoken from our dreams, I never felt so unraveled. I was going crazy. Not the kind of crazy Gaara went through when our uncle tried to assassinate him, nor was it the kind of crazy I heard Sasuke went through when he lusted for vengeance. No. This was the kind of crazy you get from lying to yourself. The kind of crazy that strengthens when aroused by jealousy. The kind of crazy that a 20 something year old woman should not be getting from her ex commanding general and comrade. _Get a grip, Temari!_ I thought as I ran my fingers through my thick heap of hair and threw myself on top of my desk.

Two minutes passed and Kankuro let out an uncomfortable cough to let me know he was still out there. "Why do you bother staying out there when I told you to leave," I yelled, though my words were muffled due to my face being plummeted on top of the desk.

He chuckled and said, "Ah, it's cause you've always acted like this when they come over here for meetings." Before I could let out a scoff, he continued smartly, "Besides. My younger brother was once a jinchūriki. I think if I could live past those years, I can live past my older sister's mood swings."

The fucking nerve of this kid.

I immediately picked myself up, rolled up the arms of my kimono, balled up one fist, and swung open the door, just in time to see the coward run down the hallway yelling out, "Ha ha! See you at the meeting, sis!"

"Oh you'll fucking see me alright!" I hissed, waving my fist in the air. "And you'll see this fan get shoved so far up your — "

"Ah Temari! You're finally out of your room," teased a voice from behind. If this were any other person, I swear I would've strangled them on the spot but any moment involving Gaara was sincerely precious to me. His sass and taunts were the only ones I could and would dismiss effortlessly. I turned my head to him and nodded slowly. Every time I got a glance of Gaara in his traditional Kazekage robes, I couldn't help but feel the previous angst melt right off of me. Temporarily, of course.

"Are you in cahoots with our idiot?" I asked dryly as I pointed in the other direction.

He nodded proudly, to my surprise. "He said it was the only way to get you out of there in time for the meeting. I proposed asking you nicely but his way —"

"Got me out the door," I repeated.

He let out a grin and nodded again. "Rather quickly!"

"You seem to be in a good mood, today."

"You should be too. Our friends will be here soon and we have to discuss our special mission with them."

"We just got out of a great war, Gaara. What other special mission is there besides Reconstruction?"

"I'm thinking along the lines of…" he paused, trying to think of the right phrasing without giving it away too easily, "…another sort of Reconstruction we will do. It will all make sense once the meeting begins." I looked back at my room. The sun beamed through the window, onto the blank journal page. I let out a defeated sigh. I could agonize over my love life (or lack of one) any time after today. Right now, my little brother needed a hand. "I suppose I can set aside my personal day off for the Kazekage. I have to warn you though. After this meeting is over and we all clock back into this household as siblings, beating Kankuro's ass with my fan is fair game."

He put on his traditional Kage hat and tipped it in my direction. "As the youngest sibling, I have no control over that call, Sis."

I smirked. "That's what I like to hear."

**xxx**

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><p><em>Journal Entry #92<em> _When I observe my siblings and I, I notice our relations to the outside world are in correlation to different sides of a coin. On the exterior, they know us to be Ambassadors and Leaders of Suna. We are both adored and feared by neighboring countries. But what lays on the other side of this coin? It's the side I get to see. Behind closed doors. Sure, it was never always like this but once Gaara began changing for the better — I began to feel like I had a family again. So much has happened these past few years that have strengthened my love for my siblings and my country. I can't help but feel so proud of everyone and their accomplishments… Still, I am proceeding with shoving my fan up Kankuro's —_

"Watcha writing there, Temari?" _Interrupted, yet again._ I closed my journal with the palm that it rested on and looked straight ahead. It was the spiky haired prodigy, eyeballing my book devilishly.

We were standing in the reception area of the Kage Office, waiting for the other ninjas to arrive. He was early. There were 4 more on their way. It was my duty to lead them in, while Kankuro, the lucky bastard, got to be Gaara's bodyguard for the day. I waved the book in front of him, "This? Why don't you see for yourself?" His devilish smile turned into an unwavering shrill of excitement, which was kind of unsettling, even for him. To be honest, it made me a little angrier than his initial glance so I didn't regret my next few actions towards the world's savior. I pretended to hand it over. As he reached for it, I pulled him by the collar with my other hand and smacked the journal against his head. While he rubbed the top of his head and made a small whimpering sound, I leaned over and hissed, "If you ever try to get your hands on this, I will end you."

"Hello! Hello! Sorry we're late Lady Temari!" exclaimed a young man in a green leotard. "Choji got food poisoning on the way!"

"What the hell, Lee?" Naruto grumbled, still patting his head, "You left the same day as I did! We were racing here remember?"

"Oh yes! I remember but, uh. Well you see…" his face turned crimson.

"We saw him drinking at the same place Choji got food poisoning at," Ino interrupted as she set her backpack down. "We decided to kill two birds with one stone and drag him along with us."

"Saki, really does wonders you know?" Rock Lee said as he robbed the back of his head bashfully. I nodded politely. What I wanted to say was _Hell yeah I know Saki works wonders!_ but no one here needed to know Kankuro and I were raging alcoholics. Not now at least.

Shikamaru and Choji followed a minute later. Choji looked a little pale in the face and was being supported by his … not so lanky anymore … friend.

_When the hell did Shikamaru get more muscle? _I thought as I observed him sit Choji down on a seat next to the secretary's desk. His shoulders were more broad, his arms were more cut. The amount of muscle on him made him look so ... attractive. A wave of nostalgia fell over me as I was reminded of my experience with the Infinite Tsukuyomi. I was brought back to reality when I heard his raspy voice go "You good, man?" Choji nodded but quickly threw his hands in his mouth as if ready to blow at any second.

"Get him a nurse," I ordered the secretary. She nodded and made a call to the first floor to send in a wheelchair. "We have an underground hospital stationed at the office. You can go with your friend if you'd like. Naruto or Lee could fill you in on what the Kazekage desires to be upheld from this meeting." His back was still facing me. 5 seconds of silence felt like 5 minutes.

Ino chimed in, "Actually…I'll go with Choji. Shikamaru, you go for us."

"Are you sure?"

She patted his shoulder, "Yeah! Will you just chill. It's food poisoning, he isn't going to die."

"Yeah, man. I ate too much. Chill."

"Would you two stop telling me to chill," he growled under his breath. "Geez." His face began to redden. Now Lee and Naruto were giggling. _I really hate being outside of the inside joke._

"Did I miss something?" I finally chimed in. "Like a joke? A pun? something?" Before I could get an answer, a paramedic with a wheelchair walked in and got a hold of Choji. Ino followed but before doing so, flashed a thumbs up sign to Shikamaru. Somehow I found myself walking alongside Lee whilst Naruto and Shikamaru were behind us whispering amongst themselves. "Care to explain the behaviors of your strange teammates?"

"To be completely honest with you, Lady Temari. I'm still a little drunk. I am of no use right now."

"At least you're honest…" my voice trailed off.

Then it hit me.

_Journal Entry #93_ _Get Lee shit faced drunk. Make him tell me what the hell is going on with Pineapple head._

I jotted down the note into my journal and tucked it away into my shirt. "What was that Lady Temari?"

"Can't say. I'm too sober." I replied as I patted his head.

After another minute of walking down the narrow hallway, we arrived to the double doors of the Kage Office. "Here we are, gentlemen," I announced before opening the doors to the Kazekage's Office, "take a seat and look alive. That means no sleeping or cloud watching until the meeting is adjourned." I turned and stared directly into Shikamaru's eyes, "Think you can handle that?"

He sighed heavily, shoved his hands in his pockets and strutted lazily inside. I swear he was a sloth in a past life. I rolled my eyes and continued to watch him walk to the seat that had his back against the window. When he adjusted himself, his comrades took a seat beside him. He smirked. "Better?"

I felt like he was mocking me. It was probably because of the smirk. It's always because of that stupid smirk. I remained silent and took the seat right cross from him.

My brothers arrived shortly, carrying different colored scrolls. "Alright," began the Kazekage, "today, we will discuss the Reconstruction of … Bonds."

"Bonds?" I repeated.

"Not just any bonds, Temari." Kankuro continued with a wide grin on his face, "Relationship bonds."

**xxx**

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><p><em>Journal Entry #94<em> _What the fuck do my little brothers think they're doing?!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** This chapter will be from **Shikamaru's point of view**. The only times I will switch to Shikamaru's/anyone else's point of view when I feel it's absolutely necessary for the story to function smoothly. (Majority of the time, it will be Temari's POV) The Journal Entry at the end is a teaser for what's to come in Chapter 3. Chapter 4 will go back to Shikamaru's point of view to tie up loose ends and from then on, expect Temari's POV for a bit. Trust me! It will all come together! Be patient.

Enjoy ^_^ Comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated.

* Also! For those that don't know — A **serpentine maneuver** is when you make a last minute plan in which you try to zig zag your way out of a situation. Hopefully you understand the context of what I'm trying to say when you get to that part!

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing except for my imagination.

**xxx**

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><p>Without breaking eye contact with her brother, she retrieved a small journal from her breast pocket and grabbed the nearest pen. "You are an idiot," she hissed through her gritted teeth.<p>

I leaned over, resting my crossed arms onto the table. _That journal…_ The screech of the chair surprised her, bringing her attention from the puppet master, to me. When our eyes met, she shot me a dirty look, brought the book closer to her and began to write. I couldn't help but crack a smile. _Yeah, that's _**_the _**_journal, alright. _"Wipe that smug look off your face, Nara," she ordered without looking back up.

"Tsk."

Kankuro, unfazed by his sister's discontent with the matter, continued to elaborate on the significance of these so-called relationship bonds. I was already too lost in my thoughts to stay present in the conversation though. I rested my chin on top of my arms and watched her repeatedly stab the living shit out of her journal with the pen. _Just what is she writing about now?_

I closed my eyes.

**xxx**

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><p>It had been about a year since I had last seen it.<p>

We were sitting at Ramen Ichiraku, waiting for our food. Small talk wasn't really our thing so I always found myself spacing out whenever she'd give me the chance. This time around, my eyes were fixated on how she continued to glide her pen against the paper. She didn't hesitate to punch my arm with her other hand when she noticed I was staring. I remember asking her what the journal was for. She was reluctant to give me a straightforward answer and instead tucked it away into her shirt.

Later that evening, I challenged her to Shogi. I won and pressed her to tell me about it, you know, as collateral. She sighed heavily but took it out and brushed the cover. "It was something I was taught to use when I found it hard to formally express myself." Her voice was now a whisper. "I used it a lot when things got rough with Gaara." I refrained from making eye contact with her at that point and focused on reorganizing the Shogi pieces in front of us. "Things got better though…" she paused. "I mean they're getting better. For him … and for us too. My journal doesn't hold the same purpose nowadays. Now I just use it as something to look back on and…" her voice trailed off.

I didn't know if she was busy trying to articulate the right words to use or was in the process of having a flashback of her own but I grew impatient and tilted my head up. "…And?" Her eyes were closed and her chin was resting on her palm. "Tsk." She wasn't even drinking that night yet she still managed to fall asleep, mid sentence.

I flicked her nose.

She blinked and rubbed it. "What the hell was that for?!"

"…And?" I repeated.

"Hm?" She uttered while rubbing her eye with one hand and stretching out the other. I stared directly at the journal that was in front of her. It's no question she followed my gaze because she laid her hand over it and purred, "Oooooh, this?"

My brows furrowed. Her facade was not amusing me. Not that night, at least. "Yes. That."

"What about it?" she let out a yawn. "I told you what it was for."

"Temari."

"What?"

"You didn't finish explaining…"

She folded her arms and groaned. "Yes I did!"

I smacked my forehead. _Why are all women like this?_ I remember thinking. Temari was probably the most difficult woman I have ever had to deal with, while my mother and Ino were tied for second. "No you did—"

"You know, it's late," she produced a fake yawn. "I'm tired. Maybe you should go."

I folded my own arms and leaned back against the chair, "Your story," I demanded. Her jaw clenched. She and I both knew this was going to be a long night if someone didn't give up soon. For once, I wasn't going to have her serpentine maneuver her way out of the conversation.

"What of it?"

I rolled my eyes. The more she avoided the question, the more I found myself getting irritated over the lack of explanation. She could've said she records the names of all the men she's punched in the groin for all I care but the fact that she refused to say anything at all to complete that sentence was — for lack of a better word — troublesome!

"I've told you more than I've told anyone else," she stood, both hands on the table, "Now go away." I watched her move from the table to the front door.

"I'm not leaving."

"Shikamaru!" she roared while pointing to the door.

"Temaaaaaari," I mocked in a high pitched voice.

I think we were both taken aback by that. In fact, she had to turn her head around to see if that sound really came from me. From the expression on her face, she was caught between laughing hysterically or dragging me by the pony tail for sassing her. I immediately felt my face redden so I stood up and walked towards her balcony. There was no way in hell I would take the front door and give her the satisfaction of seeing me like that.

"Bah, women." I muttered while opening the screen door.

As I checked to see where I would land once I jump out, she mumbled something under her breath, "What is it now?" I droned. "I'm leaving. Isn't that what you —"

"What does it matter, you never listen to my stories anyway." She interrupted while inching closer to me. I had to turn my head back to her to see if she was about to push me out or something. "Now you're suddenly interested because I don't want to talk about it anymore?"

"Do you want me to leave you or not?" I growled back, with one foot already out the door.

Her voice was soft again and her eyes were lowered to the ground, "…What do you mean by that…"

"I…I…" I had no fucking idea how to respond to that! She threw me into another hoop. Suddenly she led me to believe we were speaking some sort of morse code._ Was I reading this conversation wrong the whole time? All I wanted to know was what was in that book and suddenly she has to show me this side of her? This… fucking… side… I just… _My chest began to tighten. _Why the hell are these thoughts suddenly infiltrating my brain?_ I didn't want to think this through. I didn't want to pick at her brain and try to figure out what she meant by 'What do you mean by that.' I knew if I did, I would have 29 different consequences to act upon, 13 I'd be willing to try, 6 I knew that would work for sure, and 2 outcomes that would either make me cringe or — Fuck, I was thinking about it again. How can one little blurb do this to me. "What do you mean, what do I mean?" I turned away from her. "Women are so troublesome," I said before jumping out.

When I reached the ground and began walking, I could feel her eyes on my back. I didn't want to turn. My face was still red. "What a fucking mess," I muttered as I shoved my hands in my pockets.

**xxx**

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><p>"Shika-fucking-MARU!" screamed a voice from the other side of the table.<p>

As soon as I opened my eyes, a pen flew in my direction, hitting me on the forehead. "I could get ink poisoning from that," I said dryly as I eyed the sandy haired woman.

"That's the least of your worries," muttered Naruto, whose hands were behind his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You were out for the whole meeting. We've been talking for like an hour and a half," he whispered back.

"What?! And you didn't say anything?!" I hissed.

"I mean… Gaara had to leave the moment you had your head down but Kankuro's been going on and on about this damn Bonds mission and — "

"Fill me in on that later," I interrupted as I wiped the drool off of my mouth.

"Yeah, I will but —"

"Why didn't Kankuro say anything about waking me up?"

"He told Temari to."

"And?" I looked up at Temari. She was still writing in that damn journal.

"She told him to go to hell."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, I think something happened earlier which is why she's acting so … mean."

"That's the word," I said sarcastically.

"You can't whisper," she cooed from the other side of the table, eyes still glued to her journal. I rolled my eyes. "Roll it again," she dared.

"Come on, Naruto. Let's talk outside." I said, pulling him up by the vest and pushing him towards the door.

Before I was out the door, she shouted, "Intermission is 10 minutes,"

I turned my head and muttered, "Thanks." She stopped writing and made eye contact with me. She didn't look as angry as she sounded. In fact, she looked a little upset._ Was that how she was looking at me when I walked away that night?_ My chest tightened. It felt like that night again. I dropped my gaze and closed the door behind me. _Why couldn't she have just given me a straight answer…_

**xxx**

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><p><em>Journal Entry #95<em>

_There's something different about the both of us. We weren't the same since that night… And things just got worse after the war… _


End file.
